June 2005 : Feature

Guest Columnist: Heather Simeney MacLeod

Brad Cran

On Childhood

Do you understand your sadness?
Last night I took a photograph of a tree
and a bicycle leaning on a kickstand.
This tree I passed every night without interest
until the potential of slick rubber tires,
the sparkling handlebars that I gripped
as my imagination pedaled off into the night,
where what exists around the corner is left
out of the lens. We see what we want to see
and when we are able to ignore the rest
there is fire in our eyes and strength in our teeth.
Our legs peddling as fast as childhood
chased by dogs, as we lean into a corner
and break for the freedom of streetlights
far as the eye can see. Do you understand
your sadness? The word cul-de-sac
always meant friendship.
Now it lingers like a maze of dead ends
that carry on through labryinths of suburban fear.
An end to street hockey and children
out after the streetlights flicker on.
We dreamt of bloodied hammers,
a bad man and a rusty van hunched down
in the parking lot of Safeway. Now we say
it was just a matter of time before the seasons
turned and the roadkill mentality grew
sick of shooting birds. Do you understand your sadness?
The trees cut down. The stucco homes demolished
and the ditches filled in to begin the good life,
television’s tectonics reducing our needs
to pixilated rubble and lawn. The forest path
and fort-filled fields now gone. The ditches
we jumped for fun. Do you
understand your sadness? Do you understand
streetlights, ditches, cul-de-sacs and trees?
Bad men, bloodied hammers and endless streets?
Your bicycle, legs pumping and the desire to fly?

From The Good Life by Brad Cran.
Nightwood, 2003. Reprinted with permission of the publisher

Brad Cran’s poem “On Childhood” works on several levels, as most evocative and strong pieces of writing do. It is fundamentally a lamentation of childhood, of loss, imbued with particulars. The poem suggests a strange almost melancholic longing for what most thirty-somethings have in common: the sophisticated childhood gleaned from growing up in the aftermath of free-love. It speaks to the children moving out from the communes filled with doodleart and ponchos, finding Clifford Olsen (for those of us from BC) calling us at dusk from our cul-de-sacs : “We dreamt of bloodied hammers,/ a bad man and a rusty van hunched down/ in the parking lot of Safeway.” However—and this not an easy task to undertake, let alone to succeed at in such a small, contained piece of writing�the loss of childhood is made tactile. It becomes real, remembered, the loss irrevocable: “This tree I passed every night without interest/ until the potential of slick rubber tires,/ the sparkling handlebars that I gripped/ as my imagination pedaled off into the night, / where what exists around the corner is left/ out of the lens.” Cran has the ability to articulate the universal grief of growing up, and leaving behind the child we once were.

Though the poem is a requiem for the loss of childhood, it is also a poem illustrating the movement, inevitable as it is, from innocence to the experience found in maturity. For example, “We see what we want to see/ and when we are able to ignore the rest/ there is fire in our eyes and strength in our teeth.” Cran’s use of reversal appears effortless: in this poem the view from innocence is clear and uncluttered while the view from the adult, indeed the mature eye, is flawed. The philosophical level of this poem indicates the mature eye is necessarily faulty, as the loss of innocence is a requirement, a need, in order to merely carry on.

Certainly, with the use of the repetitive, “Do you understand your sadness?” Cran elicits an analytical rendering of the poem. The question itself, particularly the way in which it reoccurs, begs for a response. The series of questions at the close of the poem, as well, leave the reader grappling with time, with grief, with misplaced notions of childhood, with the very real, tangible haunting of the inevitable shift from childhood to adulthood. This movement from child to adult is summed up perfectly in the last phrase of the poem, and it is this last phrase which garners the greatest remembrance, and which leaves the reader with the sepia-toned memory of the greatest loss discovered in childhood: we cannot fly. This last question pulls the reader back into the poem in a circular motion so the reader is left searching for answers within the very text which prompted the questions.



Heather Simeney MacLeod’s first book of poems, My Flesh the Sound of Rain, was published in 1998 by Coteau Books and was nominated for the First Nations Publishing Award. A chapbook, Shapes of Orion, was published in 2000 by Smoking Lung Press and her second full-length poetry book, The Burden of Snow, with Turnstone Books was recently released. She has a collection of poetry co-authored with Coral Hull, North Woods, forthcoming, with Artesian Press (Australia). Heather’s poetry has appeared in most major Canadian literary journals as well as appearing in journals and reviews in the United Kingdom, Israel, Australia, New Zealand and the United States. Her plays have received honourable mentions from magazines and contests. She has lived throughout western and northern Canada, received her Bachelor of Arts from the University of Victoria and is currently at work on a novel.

Comments (1) show/hide

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Seymour Mayne writes...

Your columnist offers an engaging commentary on the work.

However, the poem lacks a sure rhythmic touch and often reads like prose. The images are there--but where's the unique music?

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